I am enough just as I am.
Pushed deep down inside is where my feelings used to live. My default was to shrink so I didn’t get in the way of the loud emotions of others. I became prideful of not having feelings, it’s how I made myself feel better about being ignored. It was an incredibly painful trauma that I didn’t even know existed.
Buried deep, but still making itself known through my daily actions, how I lived my entire life and interacted with others. Someone else’s pain always being more important than my own. Boundaries, non-existent, as I acquiesced when someone demanded it of me, which was always.
“Hurt people, hurt people,” rang loudly in my ears every time someone would lash out, projecting their own shadow onto me.
It started out as,
“I am less hurt than they are.”
“I am less in need than they are.”
And finished with,
“I am less than.”
I was so unaware for the longest time
I was so unaware for the longest time of how this burden was affecting me, it was just normal until it wasn’t. I brought it with me from relationship to relationship (friends, family, romantic partners, coworkers) on top of my bruised shoulders and broken heart. Never feeling like I was enough. Always feeling like I was wrong, a bad person, mean, cold, arrogant, unimportant, dramatic, sad, lonely, neglected, but knowing that none of this fit me quite right.
I would wonder why people couldn’t see me, why was I so invisible. It was because I had made myself so small, how could they? I couldn’t even see myself. Self-hate, frustration, and anger filled the mirror containing my reflection. I didn’t even know how to love myself.
It took me a while to figure out what that looked like, I’m still working on it today. But as the grief moves through my body and I shed the layers of the painful existence of feeling unimportant, I see myself.
Beautiful, loving, kind, magical soul, creative, mentor, friend, partner.
Knowing who I truly am, no longer through the eyes of another.
I am enough just as I am.
Healing with Evening Pink Primrose Flower Essence
Learning to nurture myself has been a huge part of my journey to self-love and the Evening Pink Primrose flower essence has been a significant part of my healing. Showing me how to hold space for myself. Letting me see myself in a more compassionate way instead of feeling broken. And allowing myself to see that the most important person I belonged to was me.
If you find yourself struggling with,
- Self-acceptance and emotional awareness
- Connecting with your emotions and acknowledging your own needs + desires
- Releasing old wounds and feelings of rejection, especially those that were experienced in early childhood
Evening Pink Primrose Flower Essence might be a good fit for you. You can purchase your own bottle here.
If you’re curious to learn more about the benefits of Evening Pink Primrose, Ruth Elesesser has a great article you can read here.