I’ve lived most of my adult life resisting the flow. We as humans, maybe just Americans, have been programmed and conditioned like that. To be in flow with our creator (God, the Universe, Source) isn’t natural for us, but it is our true nature, we just don’t realize it anymore.
As I’ve learned more about how much I was not living an authentic life and discovering how to unravel my programming, I’ve resisted something I began to desire so much.
And I still feel the urge to resist it today.
We’re taught to hustle, do what it takes, not to eat or sleep until the job is done and this is true for most everyone, whether you’re working for someone else’s dream or working towards building your own. We often find ourselves slaving away and at a big cost to our own humanity.
What is this? Why are you doing this to yourself? Why am I?
I find for myself, it stems from a fear of missing out. Fear of being too old (I’ll be 40 next month). A fear of not being successful, whatever that means. Fear of being unfulfilled for a lifetime. Fear of not following the shoulds that have been laid out for me, by who I don’t know.
That’s some scary shit.
As I begin to expand my own understanding about what it means to truly live, I maneuver my way, often clumsily, through my self-doubt, feeling courageous one day, maybe two, sometimes an entire month, but then my feet begin to slip from underneath me, pulling me back into old habits. And I settle for what has become familiar even though I know I am being led astray.
What I need starts to feel so far away, but it’s what I always need, and predictably I return to it. To sit outside, quiet, without a screen in my face or a list in my hand, and just be. To listen, be patient, relax and be calm. But the work of being in flow with the Universe feels more like doing nothing and it’s uncomfortable.
Is this what they mean when they say, “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable?”
I’m starting to wonder if the act of being a quiet human, taking in the world around me as it was meant to be is the answer. If the act of doing nothing is everything.
I am always surprised at the way I’m led down my path. It doesn’t feel normal just yet and I resist letting go of what’s comfortable, but letting go is necessary to be in flow.
It takes a lot of trust, which I do not fully have, but I’m working on it. One step at a time, one breath of fresh air, one grateful thought, and then another.
The chaos that we’re used to will begin to quiet and the normal we know will become unfamiliar. We will begin to resist what has been ours for so long and embrace our awakening, like coming home again.
The frustration of being in flow will disappear and the life we were meant to live will be all our children will know.